What Is Emotional Security in a Relationship

Richard Nicastro, PhD looks at the role of emotional safety in secure relationships and steps that can be taken to create it.

When emotional security is lacking…

"Over the terminal year we've had so many ugly fights that I just don't trust him with my feelings whatever more than." ~Lucy, married vi years
"Information technology feels to me like she sends me mixed signals…one moment everything is fine betwixt us, and then of a sudden she's angry about something and she doesn't know why. I demand something more stable." ~ Vince, dating eight months

When emotional security is strong and resilient…

"He'south my rock. I've learned over the years that I can trust him with anything!" ~ Barbara, celebrating her thirtieth wedding anniversary
"We've been through some tough times together, and we've both said some things I wish could exist taken dorsum. Only when push comes to shove, we've ever had each other's back." ~ Trish, with her partner for fourteen years

Why Is Emotional Safety So Important for Your Human relationship?

Intimate relationships are congenital on the foundation of emotional safety—function of this foundation includes the knowledge that your partner/spouse has your best interests in mind, that you'll remain a priority to one another fifty-fifty through the unexpected twists and turns that may cause emotional whiplash. Emotional security acts as a safety net, a buffer that allows you and your partner to be real and genuine with one another without the constant fear that the bottom will drop out.

A relationship devoid of a solid base of emotional security leads to heightened insecurity and, mayhap, mistrust. You're not able to lean into the comforting arms of your relationship when emotional safe is defective—in fact, your human relationship ends upwards causing yous pain rather than acting equally a buffer confronting distress. Information technology's like being on stage in front of a hostile audience who may boo or throw tomatoes at any moment.

Only emotional safe and security isn't a random result. There are articulate steps you and your partner tin take to go along this part of your relationship strong.

3 Features of Relationship-Emotional Security

1. Commitment—you show commitment by the choices you brand in your relationship; and central to this is the conscious decision to remain sectional, defended and faithful to one another, even when the waters of the relationship get choppy and information technology starts to experience like your life would be easier without your partner;

2. Emotional Availability and Presence—y'all're much more than than just a warm body. To feed the relationship foundation, couples need to be emotionally engaged and available for i another (at to the lowest degree by and large). We make ourselves known to one some other by sharing who we are (our feelings, reactions, values, ideas, fears) and by being open up and receptive to our partner's sharing. Couples often report feeling painfully alone when emotional altitude becomes the norm.

3. Predictability and Consistency—imagine how disconcerting information technology would be if your partner acted supportive and loving one day, indifferent and cold the next, so disquisitional the next, only to be followed past a burst of attentiveness and kindness. While this instance is extreme, erratic and inconsistent beliefs (even subtle forms of inconsistency) can weaken and ultimately destroy the foundation of emotional security.

A rule of thumb: Follow through on your promises, keep your discussion, and demonstrate your love and support in a reliable fashion.

When emotional safety is repeatedly compromised in a marriage or relationship, couples brainstorm to disengage and close themselves off from each other. While disengagement may exist a self-protective maneuver, in the long run, this pattern tin can atomic number 82 to such a degree of separateness that before you know it, the relationship is no longer a relationship. Two lives that rarely intersect in meaningful means cannot equate to a relationship—a human relationship arises out of relatedness, a mutual emotional connection that can only grow out of the soil of emotional safety.

No matter the age of your marriage or relationship, learning (and re-learning) about what makes your spouse/partner experience emotionally safety is essential in creating and maintaining a strong relationship foundation.